Friday jokes

One for Sunday's sermon (on John 2.1-11):

A policeman stops a car which is driving erratically. When he approaches the driver, he sees that he's a priest. 'Excuse me Father', says the policeman, 'but have you been drinking?'. 'No', says the priest, 'I only drink water'. The policeman spots an empty wine bottle on the passenger seat and says to the priest 'So why do you have that?'. 'Well I never', replies the priest, 'he's done it again!'.

One because it's true:

A man is making a tour around England visiting churches. He starts in Canterbury Cathedral and spots a golden phone with a sign saying 'All calls £10 000'. Asking a steward what it is he is told that it is a direct line to heaven.
He finds similar phones in Westminster Abbey, York Minster and Durham Cathedral. He finds them in Roman Catholic churches, Methodist chapels and even in hospital chapels. All golden with a sign saying 'All calls £10 000'.
Finally he finds a little church in a costal village in Northumberland. He goes in and finds a golden phone, but this time the sign next to it reads 'All calls 10p'. He finds the vicar and says, 'I've seen these phones all over the place, but everywhere else it costs £10 000 to make a call. Why is it only 10p from your church?' The vicar smiles, and says to him, 'It's very simple - here it's a local call!'

And finally, a joke from another tradition:

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot-dog vendor and says "Make me One with everything".