Simon Says ...

This is the most staggering story from the BBC news website : Insurers have withdrawn the cover on their virginity taken out by three sisters in the event of the second coming of Christ... The women from Inverness had renewed the policy since 2000. The cover was meant to pay for the cost of bringing up Christ if one of them conceived immaculately. Britishinsurance.com managing director Simon Burgess said ... "The people were concerned about having sufficient funds if they immaculately conceived. It was for caring and bringing up the Christ. We sometimes get weird requests and this is the weirdest we have had." The burden of proof that it was Christ had rested with the women and any premium on the insurance was donated to charity, said Mr Burgess. The siblings had paid £100 annually since 2000. If they had secured a payout, they stood to receive £1m. He added: "The Catholic Church is up in arms about what we've been doing. We have withdrawn the cover because it was ca

No. 1: Teddy Bear Bungee-jumping. This is a traditional part of SMR's Summer Fete, and if nothing else will convince you that ancient buildings are worth keepping, this should. Teddy is attached to the bungee. Then he is hoisted to the top of the building and released. Enormous fun follows, and waiting for him at the bottom is a certificate to say that he did it! 25p well spent, I say. First to try it at the Summer Fete this year were Scooby Doo and Shaggy, so it has celebrity endorsement as well. The teddy bear in the picture was a bit of a show-off and did it on horse back. Fantastic!

Blogs seem awash with online quizzes. And the worst thing is that they're often reported with great seriousness - I am an emerging Christian; the theologian I am most like is Moltmann; I'm only 23% evangelical, isn't that great?/what happened? (delete as applicable). Come on people, get a life. But finally, a quiz you can believe in - What Dr Who monster are you? The same annoyingly unsubtle questions, but this time no need to agonise about how much you agree with the statement 'God loves all people equally', no need to decide how much guilt to feel over disagreeing with the statement 'I feel closest to God in the supermarket'. No, this time you can cheerfully assent to statements like 'I am always right and will destroy anyone who disagrees'; 'everyone should be like me or be eliminated'; and 'I use fear as a weapon'. Liberals and conservatives alike can rejoice in this freedom to be themselves. Peace will finally come to the

When you have an eight months pregnant wife and England are playing their first game in the world cup it seems obvious to try and find a pub that is showing the match but that also has a no-smoking area. Finding such a pub, however, is another matter. Several pubs in the center of Bristol advertise outside that they have no-smoking areas. But go inside and ask where it is and you'll be told that there isn't one today because of the football. Or there is one, but they haven't got any screens showing the football in the non-smoking area. Most at least had the decency to look a bit sheepish when telling an obviously pregnant woman that she (effectively) wasn't welcome. One decided I was being rude when I asked why they had stopped having a no-smoking area just for today. Roll on 2007 when this filthy and selfish habit will be banished outdoors.

It started yesterday with a phone call from Radio Bristol - did I mind coming to a school in St George to do my thought for the day, and could I do it on a football theme? Being an obliging chap I did what was asked. A small gathering on a bit of grass behind the school (the glamour!) was the Radio Bristol morning show. They interviewed people with names similar to England footballers and I got talking to a couple of women who wrote an England football anthem (check out their video !). It was inspired, they said, by vodka and Trivial Pursuit. On a bright sunny morning, what could be nicer than to pull on shorts (just be thankful it was radio) and sunglasses and talk about God and football. Incidentally, my prediction for the world cup is Brazil. England could do really well and the Ivory Coast are the dark horses to watch out for. Now watch them all go out in the first round.

Rush Sunday is an annual event at SMR, but this was my first time. It dates back over 500 years - this was the 512th Rush service. A former Lord Mayor of Bristol left a property, the rent gained from which was to be used for the vicar of SMR (or failing that, the Priest-in-Charge) to preach to the Mayor and Council of Bristol. Originally it was to happen for the three days after Pentecost, but (fortunately) this was changed at the Reformation to be a sermon on Pentecost itself. The floor of the church is strewn with fresh rushes (and also various herbs). Arriving at church on Sunday morning, my first impression was that it felt like Greenbelt (a very unusual experience at SMR) - the smell created by the rushes on the floor was rather like that of a Greenbelt seminar tent. The service begins with two processions (we do like processions here) - the church procession of choir and ministers and the civic procession of the Lord Mayor, Aldermen and Councillors preceeded by the Lord Mayo

This morning we went to an ante-natal class. It was pretty much as I expcted it to be, complete with slightly sheepish looking men tagging along with their partners (for some reason they all seemed to be called Matt). On previous visits the midwives have always appeared very empathetic, caring, sharing, in a slightly wet and occasionally drippy way.* Not so today. Today the physiotherapist resembled Miss Jean Brodie (or for younger readers, Professor McGonogall from Harry Potter). Very matter of fact and no nonsense.* She even took the register! All is fine, except when being told how to cuddle your wife as if you were being told how to do long division. And what really made me giggle was when she ended an exercise by saying 'Now sigh and move on'. It seemed like a whistful memory of a lost childhood. * This should in no way be taken as a complaint - the care we've experienced has been wonderful.